It's Four in the Morning

I'm jittering from a caffine buzz. My fingers can't sit still on the keyboard because of the nicotine intake I've had. I've been to the coffee shop instead of sleeping like a good school boy because I'm fucking terrified that I'm going to sleep through my first day of classes.

That's right the daily grind is back upon me. I've had three bliss filled weeks where I could sleep for twelve hours and wake up knowing I only had to hit two levels on World of Warcraft before I could sleep again.

But that's all over now. The last few days I've woken with an irritation I can't place. Everything seems wrong with my life and nothing is the way it should be. It's all a clue that I've been dreaming again. I wish I knew how to stop. When I'm asleep I have a peice of mind that rivals soaking in a nice hot bath with the lights turned low, music playing in the background and bubbles of the champene tickling your nose. When I wake all that ends and I have to deal with the stinking fetid pile of donkey piss that was left from the days previous.

If I dreamed tonight I know I wouldn't want to grind my way back to consiousness and face the blank uncaring faces of those that hold my testicles in their hands. So instead I chose to make myself drunk on caffine, cigs, and Warren Ellis. Nothing prepares you for a shitty day better than that.

In three hours I'll be falling asleep trying to comprehend why the overly chipper instructor isn't assigning us work on the first day back (That's right I like to jump in the pool of work and swim until I get a cramp in the one place you don't want anyone else to know you have and drown instead of getting out and toweling off like any sane person would) and come back to the pit of a room I have wishing that I cleaned it on my three weeks off. I'll fall into a coma like trance hoping that I set my alarms for the next day and start the process all over again.

All I want right now is to be able to wake up and think my life is better than the one I dream for myself. To prove my worth to the uncaring masses around me. To be able to leave at least a shit stain on the bed sheets of life to prove that I was here. Instead of ghosting from one opportunity to the next.

And the opportunity to do so all starts again today.

I've wasted enough time here. I have to start getting ready for the first day of eleven weeks that will encompase my existance.

Hope your day goes just as well.

- The Pondering Dragon